Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
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