I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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