You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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