the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
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