I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
