Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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