I'm so fucking centered right now
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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