I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
People in love make me want to vomit
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
