Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
