i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
