i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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