Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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