Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I skipped work to stalk him.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
