Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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