I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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