Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Randomize
