So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize