even my farts smell like vagina
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
