I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
