im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
