in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
