She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
