wanna go halves on a baby?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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