Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
