I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
