hell yes lets make some ravioli
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
