There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
