He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
