I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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