she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
