atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
