If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
How does one acquire holy water?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize