i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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