I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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