Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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