i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize