don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
