i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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