hell yes lets make some ravioli
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
