I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
