im gay
i know
yea but for you.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
