They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
