I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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