there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
