C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
