im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
