Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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