I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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