There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Im part way to drunk.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
