Midget sex pt 2 tonight
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
