so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
