Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
