Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
