I'm going to jail i love you
Yo dont text me then not text me
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize