My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
