So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
