Tell her she can't have a vagina
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
This girl is more easily done than said...
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
