happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
