never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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