I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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