Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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