the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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