dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
