I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Panties = found
Randomize
