Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
