So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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