She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
