Capitaan dildo arrescate!
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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