their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
