So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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