just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
