Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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