omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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