I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
