I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
