Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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