I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
