filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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