Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize