I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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