Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
