considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
