He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
So apparently I’m into choking now
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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