Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Randomize