Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
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