I'm gonna have a badass scar
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Randomize
