I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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