just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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