Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
