giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
