remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
