I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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