put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
So squirting runs in the family.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
