I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
