NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
