HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
