this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
