The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
