I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
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