He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
