I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
