wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
