When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
