honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
