Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
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