I should be sponsored by Trojan
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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