First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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