My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
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