Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
