I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
